There was a post Diwali ritual in my house every year. The entire Diwali month, my parents would binge on mithai and namkeen and then promptly go on something called the General Motors diet. The General Motors diet involves eating a distinct kind of food every day of the week. It could be just bananas on one day, and just boiled vegetables on another day. Basically the parents did not starve, but there is a limit to the number of bananas you can eat in a day. The rest of us, that is me and my brother would feel guilty about eating hearty meals. It was like those TV documentaries, where you end up feeling guilty about having a plate full of rice while people are starving. The good part is, it lasted one week and brother and I managed to lose one kilo in guilt while parents ended up 3 kilos lighter.
The bad part? Those three lost kilos usually came back in two weeks, and they got one extra kilo with them for company.
A very Delhi habit is being on a diet but never giving up the desert. However less we eat, the meal has to be followed by something sweet. So I have seen family and friends drinking sugar free teas which taste like sickeningly sweet boiled water - but we never mess with the post dinner gulab jamun. Though lately the gulab jamun has been replaced by sugar free amul chocolates and ice creams. (High fat and high calorie but no sugar).
One season, post getting Baba Ramdeved, there was an acute shortage of lauki in Delhi. Everyone I knew was drinking 'Lauki ka juice' as a part of the get thin quick plan. I tried it one day, and it made me wish my taste buds were dead and buried. The next season, mom was growing bushes of Aloe Vera since its juice was found to magically melt away weight. When I asked her about the lauki ka juice she said, "Oh that we can have any day now. Lauki got cheaper. Now Aloe Vera you cant get it easily."
You know you are in 2011 when you crib about the lift not working and your six year old tells you, "I always take the stairs (I stay on the 11th floor), its good exercise.'
Gosh I miss the 80's when my parents refused to buy me a Barbie doll (something I did not forgive them for till I was 25) since she looked 'too thin'. In fact, the dolls I played with would be classified as clinically obese in today's time and would need to go on a diet for sure.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Calvined
I love reading Calvin and Hobbs comic strips. Besides being highly intelligent, Calvin is ironic, funny, profound and there is absolutely no tiresome moralizing anywhere.
Now all my life (till I gave birth to my own Calvin) I always wondered why Calvin's mom looks so undernourished, hassled and sorely in need of vodka shots a vacation and multivitamins (strictly in that order). Finally post Dhruv turning six, I seem to increasingly resemble her. I have my Calvin moments everyday where I feel like telling my son - "Listen I am a first time parent. I don't have most of the answers and I blame my parents for it."
Tuesday the 28th:
Scenario: Me getting Dhruv to do his homework.
Dhruv: My homework is so dumb. They make us do one page of writing everyday. Did you get writing homework?
Me: (Putting on a superior air): When I was your age I used to not only write 5 pages, but also read like 10 pages as homework everyday.
Dhruv: Why you could not read and write properly? See if you did one page nicely, they would not have gived (Dhruv does not favor usage of the word given) you so much homework.
Sunday the 26th: Me putting Dhruv to bed (9 p.m.)
Ps: In my experience, the trickiest, toughest, most non-answerable questions get asked at bedtime when I am very sleepy myself and I want Dhruv to sleep
Dhruv: Mummy when people kill baby whales, do you think their mother's miss them.
Me: I am sure they do.
Dhruv: So what do they do when they miss them?
Me: No idea. But I am sure they must miss them. Don't you remember, in finding Nemo, his family got so upset when they lost him.
Dhruv: Pooh that's just a movie, all lies. You should google and see how the blue whale's mummy feels when he gets lost.
Dhruv (10. p.m half asleep but determined not to give in): Mummy also can you google and check if plants like to eat certain kind of manure? I mean which flavors do they like.
Calvin's dad says it for me - Being a parent is wanting to hug and whack your kid at the same time. :)
Now all my life (till I gave birth to my own Calvin) I always wondered why Calvin's mom looks so undernourished, hassled and sorely in need of vodka shots a vacation and multivitamins (strictly in that order). Finally post Dhruv turning six, I seem to increasingly resemble her. I have my Calvin moments everyday where I feel like telling my son - "Listen I am a first time parent. I don't have most of the answers and I blame my parents for it."
Tuesday the 28th:
Scenario: Me getting Dhruv to do his homework.
Dhruv: My homework is so dumb. They make us do one page of writing everyday. Did you get writing homework?
Me: (Putting on a superior air): When I was your age I used to not only write 5 pages, but also read like 10 pages as homework everyday.
Dhruv: Why you could not read and write properly? See if you did one page nicely, they would not have gived (Dhruv does not favor usage of the word given) you so much homework.
Sunday the 26th: Me putting Dhruv to bed (9 p.m.)
Ps: In my experience, the trickiest, toughest, most non-answerable questions get asked at bedtime when I am very sleepy myself and I want Dhruv to sleep
Dhruv: Mummy when people kill baby whales, do you think their mother's miss them.
Me: I am sure they do.
Dhruv: So what do they do when they miss them?
Me: No idea. But I am sure they must miss them. Don't you remember, in finding Nemo, his family got so upset when they lost him.
Dhruv: Pooh that's just a movie, all lies. You should google and see how the blue whale's mummy feels when he gets lost.
Dhruv (10. p.m half asleep but determined not to give in): Mummy also can you google and check if plants like to eat certain kind of manure? I mean which flavors do they like.
Calvin's dad says it for me - Being a parent is wanting to hug and whack your kid at the same time. :)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Nemo
My son Dhruv's pet fish Nemo died today morning. I spent an agonizing first half of the day thinking of appropriate ways to break the news to Dhruv. Nothing in my 6 years of motherhood had equipped me for this task (Though I feel eminently unsuitable for a lot of mothering tasks lately). Nemo was an year old, and Dhruv is attached to him as feeding and cleaning his fish bowl are his responsibilities. Well fishes being fishes do nothing except swim, but I was attached to Nemo as well :(.
Once Dhruv got home, I broke the news pointblank. Dhruv gave me a long hard look and said ," How can something live for so less time." I told him fishes don't live long. Post that he decided Nemo is 'Resting' and 'No one dies with their eyes open.' After some contemplation he finally decided, 'Nemo is gone.' While I expected the waterworks (Mine had started, needless to say). Dhruv asked me , 'Now what is Nemo going to be reborn as?' I told him personally I am not a believer in the rebirth idea. To which he incredulously replied," Of course we are reborn. Nemo can be a goat or a tree. He just cant be a fish. You get bored as one thing, so you are reborn as something else. That's how it works."
While I sat digesting this. He informed me,"You might also be a tree in your next life."I told him I am not bored being a human but anyway hubby accuses me of being as lazy as a log of wood on most days, so not a bad option. Post some more deep thought Dhruv decided, "I have a feeling Nemo will be reborn as the puppy you are planning to buy me." (Emotional blackmail at its best!! I have in principle agreed to buy him a puppy, if and when he is able to help out, and that's no where soon). And to press the advantage further he added," You can always call him Nemo if you like, we wont miss our fish that way." So looks like Nemo the puppy is on the cards soon.
Once Dhruv got home, I broke the news pointblank. Dhruv gave me a long hard look and said ," How can something live for so less time." I told him fishes don't live long. Post that he decided Nemo is 'Resting' and 'No one dies with their eyes open.' After some contemplation he finally decided, 'Nemo is gone.' While I expected the waterworks (Mine had started, needless to say). Dhruv asked me , 'Now what is Nemo going to be reborn as?' I told him personally I am not a believer in the rebirth idea. To which he incredulously replied," Of course we are reborn. Nemo can be a goat or a tree. He just cant be a fish. You get bored as one thing, so you are reborn as something else. That's how it works."
While I sat digesting this. He informed me,"You might also be a tree in your next life."I told him I am not bored being a human but anyway hubby accuses me of being as lazy as a log of wood on most days, so not a bad option. Post some more deep thought Dhruv decided, "I have a feeling Nemo will be reborn as the puppy you are planning to buy me." (Emotional blackmail at its best!! I have in principle agreed to buy him a puppy, if and when he is able to help out, and that's no where soon). And to press the advantage further he added," You can always call him Nemo if you like, we wont miss our fish that way." So looks like Nemo the puppy is on the cards soon.
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